A Meraki Writer

Even though my eyes were open, it felt as if they were still closed. I could no longer see. Not a shred of light seeped in. I stretched my arms out and fumbled around until one of my hands landed on a cold, wet wall. Feeling somewhat safer now that I had something that could lead me in a direction, right or wrong. I didn’t care, I found something to lean on. Sliding my hand over the rough, cement bricks I slowly made my way forward; slipping every few feet. This place was endless. The coldness burrowed its way inside of me and deep into my bones so I could not warm myself. Fear filled me day and night. No rest. I trudged onward, shivering, afraid, alone. I stopped suddenly in my tracks. A chilling voice echoed silently around and caused shivers to run up my spine. My heart, racing faster than it ever has, felt as if it would bust out of my chest and flop to the ground. Slowing my breathing I tried to hear what it was saying. My eyes wide with fear as the voice like honey repeated again what it had said. I couldn’t stop the tears once I understood what it had said. I know it was I myself who put me in this place. It was I who followed the voice that led me here. I couldn’t help but agree with that smooth-talking voice who persistently repeated my offenses to me. I am unforgivable. I am the black sheep marred by my past. I am unlovable by anyone or anything. I sunk to the ground and wept as the voice continued its mocking; Reaffirming everything I already thought about myself. I was lost, lost in more ways than I could tell. I was blinded by the false beauty of things I previously wanted. I knew at that moment, that this place would be my home forever. I cried for months, for years. What else does one have to do in a place like this? That resounding voice in my ears bringing my spirits ever lower. For years I listened. For years I believed that silver-tongued voice. I couldn’t be lower than I was at that moment. Hope had left me, or I it. 

Once my tears subsided I noticed a new sound. A sound that slowly began to drown out the ringing voice in my ears. It was the sound of rushing water. I wiped the tears off of my cheeks, put my hand back on the wall and stood. I stood with a slight unsteadiness. I was weak, broken, bruised in every way possible. The new beautiful sound filled me with enough hope and strength to keep going. I slowly and clumsily made my way down the dark tunnel. I need not walk far before I turned a corner and there before my eyes was the most beautiful sight I have ever beheld. The light rushed in, but did not make me wince in pain. My eyes adjusted perfectly to its brightness. Through the darkness, I saw the light. The end. The place where I needed to go all along. The sound of birds singing filled the places where the voice had been. I could see a bright, green forest up ahead. I hurried onward, afraid that if I took my time it would disappear, but it did not. It waited for me as I tripped, fell, got back up, and stumbled. It remained. I reached the end. Excitedly I took a deep breath as I walked into the sunlight.

Occasionally, still to this day, I hear that smooth-talking voice whisper in the back of my mind reminding me of where I was and who I used to be. But as I walk along in the sunshine, running my hand over the bark of a tree, those words no longer have the grasp on my mind as they once did. I have been set free of that place, Never to return.